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Archives for October 2017

Oct. 29, 2017 “Remembering Our Dead: Love Lives On”

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On Remembering:

Human beings are odd creatures, but I think we come by it naturally, evolved into our oddness that is. I don’t believe we are the only animal that mourns our dead, but we may be the only ones who worry about it so much that we create myriads of interesting, imaginative places for them to reside until we join them. For myself, at one time, I decided that if after death there is a remnant of the pitiful being called by my name left in the quantum foundations of this universe, I would like to explore the galaxies and see if there are multi-universes. But as I age I find that this seems as lonely as being gathered to some super-being to sing its praises. I think I’ll not worry about it, live while I can, and take some time to remember and bring to life family and friends I treasure in my own mind and heart… universe enough, if someone will do this for me.  

Remembering our dead, our ancestors, can be a healthy (and emotional) exercise in being human, in holding onto the lessons they can teach us. As I think about it, for a robust religious (how we live) component of remembering our ancestors, we would examine the lessons taught by that life and be warmed by, warned of, or both, of living such a way. I think there would be stories of puzzling lives that we would not understand, exemplary lives with feet of clay, lives that frighten, lives of devotion, lives of pain, lives of love… all kinds of complex, ways of being human. None would be valueless, all giving us clues to our own life, even as we remember them.

If we grew up in a society that had a strong ancestor worship component of its religion(s), our life would be understood as a book to be examined by those coming after us, and a framework of ethics and morals from that culture of examination, a village of people including those long gone, would help raise us. It may be that our U.S. culture of individualism is why we never developed ancestor worship seriously, and that may be to our detriment. On the other hand, a society that holds its values as deep as death may not be able to examine itself seriously for prejudices, built in bigotry, and inequality held by its dead. This may be demonstrated in statues to commemorate confederate war dead that do not ask the present population to look at their sins, but hold onto a false glory. Our dead need to be held in the light of present and future ethics, morals, and Principles, and their stories told within that light, so we learn how to change for the better as well. Maybe a gentle remembrance is a good thing compared to a culture of ancestor worship… something to ponder.

“Remembering our Dead: Love Lives On” is how we’ll frame our memorial service Sunday morning, October 29th at UUFF. We have traditions from different European and American cultures that guide us in ritual around this time of year including All Souls, Samhain, Dia de los Muertos,  and African American Funerals. Especially informative for us are Unitarian Universalist Memorial Services, which recognize, celebrate, and grieve the whole life of the deceased, their shadows as well as their lights. We also know that for some the loss of an animal companion needs to be recognized as well, that love and loyalty is not just human.

This is not an easy service, it holds in it loss, grief, tears, and maybe some anger. But it also has laughter, love, caring, and lessons. Lessons of life lived and lost, of family and friends who hold onto the stories, the ups and downs, the joys, the grief, and mostly their love. This is a service for young and old, no one should be left out of this natural part of our “learning how to live with having to die.” Bring a picture, a memento, favorite food, something that reminds you of your loved one, and place it on our Remembrance Altar. We will speak the names of those to be remembered, and take time to honor them in poetry, music, story and silence.

Peace,

Rev. Jim Parrish

Our Whole Lives (OWL) Sexuality Education: Active Resistance in Tenuous Times

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By Theresa Parrish, appeared in Sept/Oct 2017 issue of The Beacon

Unitarian Universalists take pride in our open minds and open hearts. We welcome difference and diversity. We lean into controversy and educate ourselves on issues. Recent events in Charlottesville, repeated attacks on Planned Parenthood and abortion access, and threatened cuts to healthcare and social programs have caused many of us to feel anxious about the future of our country and about the immediate health and safety of our loved ones.

What does all this have to do with Our Whole Lives – the evidence-informed, lifespan sexuality education curriculum co-authored by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ? Everything!

Imagine Madison, who is much taller and heavier than their peers. After years of teasing and bullying, Madison believes there is something deeply wrong with them. They become depressed and suicidal.

And there is Adrian, whose friend pressures them to engage in sexual activity until they reluctantly give in. Adrian learns to associate sexuality with shame.

Or Jaden, who feels attracted to a friend of the same sex and who was told by their conservative religious grandparent that homosexuality is sinful and disgusting.

And Angela, who wanted to talk to her boyfriend about birth control, but didn’t know where to start. Now she finds herself pregnant, worries that her parents will be enraged, and wonders if she will be able to finish school.

It’s not hard to imagine a bully who relentlessly calls a classmate “faggot,” “fairy,” and other derogatory names. The bully tries to persuade others to join in tormenting the victim. How many of us are prepared to respond in a way that honors our Unitarian Universalist values?

[Use of pronouns “they,” “their,” and “them” is intentional. Even the most enlightened people make assumptions and value judgments based on gender. What assumptions might you have made about the gender of the individuals in the scenarios above? ]

All of these narratives occur regularly here in Northwest Arkansas. They are due, at least in part, to our reliance on sexuality education provided by public schools or by well-meaning but ill-informed parents (who are often dreadfully uncomfortable discussing anything sexual), or by no one at all. Much of the sexuality education provided in Arkansas (including here in Fayetteville) is based on the “abstinence only” model that charges youth to abstain from “sex” until marriage. Youth are often pressured into signing vows of chastity and are shown repulsive videos of sexually transmitted infections meant to scare them into “abstinence.” This propaganda leads young people to believe that any sexual contact will result in pregnancy, infection, or both. The material presented is flawed enough, but even more egregious is what is lacking — topics of relationships, of difference, of consent, and information on birth control that is comprehensive and medically accurate.

The theoretical basis of Our Whole Lives (OWL) runs contrary to all of this. OWL affirms that we are sexual beings from the moment we are born until the moment we die. We know that sexuality is a broad concept, involving not just genitalia and reproduction, but gender and orientation, relationships, consent, body image, families, justice, inclusivity, friendships, values, sexual health, contraception, and much more. This is all delivered by trained OWL facilitators in a safe setting and in an age-appropriate manner. What’s more, OWL acknowledges parents/caregivers as the primary source of sexuality education and involves them in their children’s classes.

OWL opens up the discussion on sexuality, empowering students of all ages with vocabulary and information that can help them navigate relationships with confidence. They come to understand their inherent rights as human beings and are equipped with vocabulary to express themselves. They are challenged to think deeply about various scenarios that might occur in their lives and to prepare to make informed, deliberate choices.

So, with experience of Our Whole Lives:
Madison might love their body just as it is, significantly decreasing the negative effects of bullying.
Adrian would have denied consent with confidence and might still see sexuality as positive.
Jaden would have an opportunity to accept t heir same-sex attraction as “normal” without fear of punishment or ostracism by family and church.
Angela would likely have discussed birth control and their relationship with her boyfriend, and her pregnancy might have been averted.
Fewer bystanders would have joined with the bully, and more would have protected the victim and spoken out.

In your mind’s eye, are you imagining a school-aged child – or perhaps a teenager – in all of these scenarios? While traditionally, sex-ed has been served up almost exclusively to pubescent youth and teens, OWL is for EVERYONE. Appropriate OWL classes are offered at all age levels, beginning with kindergarten and continuing through old age. And, if you are wondering what an older person might learn from sexuality education, consider that the incidence of sexually transmitted infections is rising significantly in adults aged 55 and up. Information about sexuality (and sexual health) constantly evolves. Social values are regularly re-examined. It is impossible to outgrow Our Whole Lives.

Children, youth, and adults who participate in OWL classes and/or who become educated in sexuality and relationships are people who are armed to resist misogyny, racism, homophobia, and transphobia. They are likely to be accepting of others. They tend to make healthier choices. They are not as easily manipulated. They are less likely to passively accept violations to their bodies and to their rights as human beings. They resist. Congress might move to de-fund Planned Parenthood and other public clinics. But if we are empowered with information and grounded in our values, we will find ways to practice safe sex, to prevent unplanned pregnancy, and to maintain our sexual health. We will continue to be actively inclusive and will protect the vulnerable in our midst. We will continue to take responsibility for our choices. We will not give in to bullies or terrorists.

We will be respectful, valued members of our families, our schools, our workplaces, and our communities. Confidence, knowledge, and values cannot be legislated.

Visit the OWL page on our website for more information on the program and upcoming classes.

What’s Going on Outside?

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(Photo from left to right: Karl Brown, Evan Barnes, Andrew Gaber, Staffany Rhame, and Dylan Pearson.)

by Andrew Gaber, Chair of Sculpture Committee and Board Membe

Many of you may have noticed the work that’s been started in the landscaping bed next to our entrance. This is the result of some of the first steps in preparing the space for permanent installation of the sculpture, The Book, that was graciously donated to UUFF by Richard Ferguson before his passing last year.

The Book, sculpture by Richard Ferguson
The Book, sculpture by Richard Ferguson

Members of the Sculpture Committee have been working on a plan for this space that will further our grounds’ function as a space for reflection. Members of this committee are Andrew Gaber (chair), Ron Hanson, John King, Caroline Lennox, Joyce Mendenhall, and Gretchen Wilkes. Currently, the vision is to have some paths placed in the space, with decorative gravel surrounding the paths. The sculpture itself will need to be filled with sand to secure the sculpture in place. If you have any thoughts or questions on this project, any of us on the committee would love to hear from you!